Spreadsheets: Big Data on the sexual act, for couples

A resounding cheer from many an office: “Nosing through spreadsheets” has suddenly taken on a much more exciting connotation thanks to a new app named Spreadsheets. To some, it will seem like a borderline idea, but for others it will be a no more than logical: an app for tracking your love life.

It may take you a while to get used to having your iPhone act as a coach when making love. The screen challenges you: scream, groan or whisper a few words. The objective? To measure and improve your love life. With a touch of gamification, needless to say.

It is quite a step to go from measuring your jogging performance or keeping track of what you eat to taking your smartphone to bed. But that’s what the makers of Spreadsheets are asking from you. The Spreadsheets app will keep track of how many thrusts (or counterthrusts!?) were involved, how long the act took and what the maximum peak in decibels was. We’re not kidding.


Besides measuring the statistics, the makers have also included a (personal) ranking. You can gain points by getting down to business early in the morning or getting your rocks off on fixed days of the week.

Check the Spreadsheets website if you feel the urge (to download the app).